Dear heart-shaped candy,

Thanks for the compliment. Usually bad grammar drives me crazy, but since you're so sweet, I'll forgive you for mixing up "your" and "you're." Your all-caps font reminds me of an old dot matrix printer, which is appealing in a geeky way, and I love the hot pink ink. I also love that you taste like bubble gum.

You're cute, tasty, and a little bit dumb... wanna be my Valentine? (Oh, damn! I already ate you.)